Let’s Talk: How to Small Talk Like a Pro

I consider myself an extrovert, and I like spending time with friends and meeting new people.  But while I technically enjoy talking to others, I sometimes dread the small talk. (Please tell me I’m not alone!) Whether it’s with strangers or even my best friends, small talk oftentimes feel too surface-y.  On those occasions when I catch myself talking about the weather, I start to wonder if I’m even an extrovert after all.  I hate feeling the need to fill the air with light—sometimes inauthentic—conversation, and when I do so, I’m filled with self-doubt about my ability to hold a substantial conversation at all. 

I recently read two pieces online that made me think further about the subject of small talk.  Instead of dismissing it as something I would never be good at, I began to wonder if maybe there WERE ways I could tackle the topic and feel more comfortable with it.  

I’ve always heard that the best way to get someone talking is asking them about themselves.  But then what?  This Goop article explains that that’s when you ask the how and why questions.  And then that’s when you step back and actually listen.  The article on how to make small talk more meaningful has resonated with me ever since I read it because it has encouraged me to see each conversation (even the surface-level ones) as opportunities to learn something more and delve deeper into a subject. Reading the line “everyone you’ll ever meet knows something you don’t” caused a big light bulb to go on in my mind.

The other piece that resonated with me was this Fast Company’s chat with former national television anchor Tom Brokaw on how to talk to anyone. Through his experience in listening to others talk about themselves, Brokaw relies on an element of surprise that helps engage the other person.  He avoids the obvious questions, and in turn he’s able to get spontaneous reactions from people that reveal who they are or what the issue is all about.  I’m definitely guilty of asking obvious questions in order to keep the conversation going how I think it will go, but now I’m seeing that that’s only confining it to stay surface level. 

Say I’m on a date with my boyfriend, a networking event for WOM, a party with my friends or visiting with my family, I’m now thinking of ways to make the small talk more than just that.  Tell me, do you find yourself dreading small talk too?  How do you aim to make it easier?  More meaningful?  Cheers, Kat