“Saying that you’re sorry when you haven’t done anything wrong gives the impression you don’t value yourself,” executive coach Laura Camacho recently told our friends at The Southern Coterie. “You can’t expect others to value what you clearly do not.”
I welcomed a slew of intentional resolutions this year, including perhaps my favorite: stop saying sorry. Thanks to attention on the topic in the past few months, I’ve recognized—like so many other women—my frustratingly common habit of saying “sorry” when I was anything but. But another word that’s equally undermining? “Just.”
Thinking about how I can stop undermining myself in everyday speech in important to me, as it should be to all of the future lady bosses out there too. It’s crazy how a few simple words can completely change the tone and overall effect of my message.
“It’s not what we’re saying that’s the problem, it’s what we’re not saying. The sorrys are taking up airtime that should be used for making logical, declarative statements, expressing opinions and relaying accurate impressions of what we want.” author Sloane Crosley writes for The New York Times.
So how can you stop undermining yourself? Remove “sorry” and “just” from your vocabulary. Camacho suggests swapping “sorry” for “excuse me,” which I think is very doable… just takes some practice. In order to strengthen your communication skills, think about how you’re using undermining words in both speech and in writing. After inspection of my own emails, I quickly realized how much I play down my ideas and opinions especially in writing. “I think” always undermines something that I have a strong basis to know to be true, thus weakening my message.
But it looks like many people are realizing emails to be the minefields they are for counter-productive words. To our great delight, Create & Cultivate recently introduced us to a new gmail plug-in called Just Not Sorry that literally underlines any words or phrases considered ineffective and possibly undermining. I downloaded the chrome plug-in and took the pledge to be better communicator.
Another big step to stop undermining myself and stop saying sorry is writing this piece. Addressing this bad habit helped me become aware of a small, yet crucial, step that I want to take to become a better professional in the new year. Tell me, do you catch yourself undermining yourself with your speech? Cheers, Kat
