Let’s Talk

Let’s Talk: How to Small Talk Like a Pro

Broaching the Subject of Dreaded Small Talk & Ways to Make It Mean More
July 9, 2016
Story By: Mandy Kellogg Rye
Filed Under > Let's Talk

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How to small talk like a pro, Waiting on Martha

I consider myself an extrovert, and I like spending time with friends and meeting new people.  But while I technically enjoy talking to others, I sometimes dread the small talk. (Please tell me I’m not alone!) Whether it’s with strangers or even my best friends, small talk oftentimes feel too surface-y.  On those occasions when I catch myself talking about the weather, I start to wonder if I’m even an extrovert after all.  I hate feeling the need to fill the air with light—sometimes inauthentic—conversation, and when I do so, I’m filled with self-doubt about my ability to hold a substantial conversation at all. 

I recently read two pieces online that made me think further about the subject of small talk.  Instead of dismissing it as something I would never be good at, I began to wonder if maybe there WERE ways I could tackle the topic and feel more comfortable with it.  

I’ve always heard that the best way to get someone talking is asking them about themselves.  But then what?  This Goop article explains that that’s when you ask the how and why questions.  And then that’s when you step back and actually listen.  The article on how to make small talk more meaningful has resonated with me ever since I read it because it has encouraged me to see each conversation (even the surface-level ones) as opportunities to learn something more and delve deeper into a subject. Reading the line “everyone you’ll ever meet knows something you don’t” caused a big light bulb to go on in my mind.

The other piece that resonated with me was this Fast Company’s chat with former national television anchor Tom Brokaw on how to talk to anyone. Through his experience in listening to others talk about themselves, Brokaw relies on an element of surprise that helps engage the other person.  He avoids the obvious questions, and in turn he’s able to get spontaneous reactions from people that reveal who they are or what the issue is all about.  I’m definitely guilty of asking obvious questions in order to keep the conversation going how I think it will go, but now I’m seeing that that’s only confining it to stay surface level. 

Say I’m on a date with my boyfriend, a networking event for WOM, a party with my friends or visiting with my family, I’m now thinking of ways to make the small talk more than just that.  Tell me, do you find yourself dreading small talk too?  How do you aim to make it easier?  More meaningful?  Cheers, Kat

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Featured image, The Beach People

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Let’s Talk: Fashion Trends, Saying No & Saving-and-Spluring

A Conversation about Shopping Strategy
July 2, 2016
Story By: Mandy Kellogg Rye
Filed Under > Everyday

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panama

We’re inundated with fashion inspiration these days, there’s no question about it.  As a result of Instagram and Pinterest especially, we can easily get caught up in the overwhelming urge to stock up (and spend a pretty penny) on the hottest trends.  Now I know this topic won’t be top of mind for me forever (like, say when I’m saving up for a deposit on my first house in a few years).  But at the age of 27, I’m attending a lot of events and weddings, saving for the future, and paying off student loans, so I have to be strategic about where my disposable money goes…and if I’m not careful, it usually all goes to clothes.   In a dream world, I’d always recognize forever-pieces from the duds.  In REALITY, though, it’s sometimes hard to resist the season’s latest trends because even wardrobe staples need a little flair sometimes. 

So what’s helped me not go broke over the irresistible new fashion trends?  Knowing where to draw the line, and being able to say no.  I’ve become so wise (in my old age) that I’ve learned that some trends work for my friends and not me, and vice versa.  For the record, I look SILLY in jumpsuits and rompers with my wide hips, but I have a friend with an hourglass waist who looks dynamite in them.

Another trick?  I like to think of trends as the category to have a little fun in, and that means getting creative with their sources (read: finding them on sale or highly discounted)!  French style icon and blogger Garance Dore wrote in Love Style Life, “It’s more about building your wardrobe with great essentials and using the trends for fun updates.”  I strategize a save-and-splurge technique by checking out discount sites like The Outnet and setting up sale alerts on ShopStyle (a great site to search for specific items) for the trendy items I’m looking for.  As an example of my save-and-splurge strategy, I’ve found that these affordable lace-up sandals look just as good as the designer version, and this affordable panama hat is exactly what I need, without costing as much as this one.  Lace-up sandals and panama hats are very trendy right now, and I feel better about buying the affordable options especially if I’m not 100% the trend will last through next year.  (And to my delight, these sandals and this hat actually have!)  A wardrobe staple like a classic black blazer, on the other hand?  I’m going to buy one I know I’ll have for at least the next decade. 

So I’d love to know: what fashion trends are you loving right now?  Have there been trendy pieces that you have turned into staples?  Has there been a fashion trend you’ve fallen trap to?  What trends have you avoided?  Lastly, where do YOU score your trendy pieces?  Cheers, Kat 

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Photography, Chelsey Heidorn for Waiting on Martha

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Let’s Talk: How to Get Better at Accepting Criticism

Learning to Approach Feedback as a Way to Grow
June 28, 2016
Story By: Mandy Kellogg Rye
Filed Under > Everyday

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Let's Talk: Getting better at accepting criticism, Waiting on Martha
I’ve alway struggled with accepting criticism.  I wish I could say otherwise.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a people-pleaser, and I have always taken things way too personally whenever criticism is shared.  

When I started my professional career, I was eager-to-please and felt I needed to prove myself.  I still remember my first personal evaluation, and how I sobbed on the way home.  I read every piece of feedback as a personal attack, feeling defensive and downright frustrated.  

Of course, a little maturity and some years of experience have strengthened my shell.  But the truth of the matter is that hearing criticism will never be fun for me.  Jobs in both Public Relations and now as an editorial director for a blog…well, those are two roles that are dependent on people’s opinions.  Even reading the reader survey results (thank you again for taking the time to share your two cents!) wasn’t easy for me.  I think I held my breath the entire time reading through all of your feedback!  But while it was difficult, it was extremely helpful.

I’m now a firm believer that accepting criticism is so important for personal and professional growth.  I’ve read articles about it (on Entrepreneur and Forbes to start), but I’ve also decided on the three main things that help me face the feedback: 

Solicit feedback before it needs to be dumped on you
I’ve found that asking how you can improve is the best way to take control of the situation.  This way, you’re not backed into a corner with scathing comments or reviews. You’re able to approach the feedback with a proactive stance, which also allows more time for you to process the results.  It’s the worst thing ever to hear surprisingly negative feedback when you’re least expecting it.  And when you solicit feedback on your own terms, you can ask your manager/supervisor for specific variables that you can work towards. 

Consider how you’d feel as the manager
In the few short recent years, I’ve begun to manage people below me.  And wow, it’s definitely not a walk in the park when you’ve got a long to-do list and a full inbox.  But being a manager has led me to understand bigger picture of how the company needs to run.  I’m now able to detach myself from being “the victim”, and instead I put myself in a supervisor’s shoes.  

Change your outlook
Simply put, you should always be growing as a professional.  Criticism is just part of the process. I know that I tend to take things too personally when I hear I’ve done something wrong or need to improve upon something.  But rather than beating myself up with self-criticism (seriously, I am my own worst enemy most of the time), I’ve challenged myself to approach the situation with a new outlook.  I remind myself that everyone’s going to make mistakes…but I ask myself, how can I learn from mine?  And everyone has strengths and weaknesses…but how am I using mine to be an even better version of myself tomorrow? 

Tell me, have you struggled with accepting criticism?  How do you deal with receiving (or dishing!) feedback?  I’d really love to know any tips or things you’ve learned.  Cheers, Kat

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Featured image, Fashion and Style

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